There may or may not be a method to this madness.

what-even-is-thiss:

xxxdragonfucker69xxx:

grffnmcelroy:

power move: make a d&d character with the same name as your dm

#but with ‘cool’ in front of it

Yeah this is my character Cool José. He’s like normal José except he didn’t fail his driving test three Times.

(via criticalrolo)

wodneswynn:

wodneswynn:

DM:  “The orc captain fires his bow, and…that’s a hit.  And he rushes, and…hit.  And, bonus move, and…oh jeez that’s a *big* hit.  I’m sorry, man.”

Player, sadly pulling out a fresh character sheet:   “Eh, it’s alright.  I guess in the next act y'all are gonna meet Boromir’s brother Faramir.”

I just lost six followers

(via criticalrolo)

prokopetz:

Alternative to the tired old wizard-with-a-sugar-daddy interpretation of the patron/warlock relationship in Dungeons & Dragons:

• Clueless boss and long-suffering employee, whose powers are basically the magical equivalent of pilfering office supplies for personal use
  
  
• Scheming master and duplicitous apprentice who are totally open about their loathing for each other and are keen to see who betrays whom first
  
  
• Bureaucratic devil and soul-peddling diabolist with a contract a mile long, each honestly believing they’re getting the better of the other
  
  
• Glowering quartermaster and loose-cannon operative, whose record for getting results just barely justifies the expense of employing them
  
  
• Indifferent parent who pays their estranged offspring’s allowance like clockwork but otherwise prefers to deal with them as little as possible
  
  
• Vast, slumbering god-monster and amoral parabiologist who knows which spots to poke with a stick to provoke particular autonomic responses
  

(via criticalrolo)

championoftheravenqueen:

I just realized that the spell Blink in 5e D&D has a semantic component.  you know what that means. You can do this 

(via criticalrolo)

the only valid d&d experience

witchdoodle:

dm: this npc’s name is jamedi cosko
players: right, jumanji costco

(via criticalrolo)

battlecrazed-axe-mage:

prokopetz:

More inadvisable D&D dragons:

• Fractal Dragon: Exhales two smaller copies of itself. Use the stat block for the next age category down for the copies. For example, an ancient fractal dragon exhales two copies that use the adult fractal dragon stat block; each copy can in turn exhale two copies that use the young fractal dragon stat block; and so forth. The copies disappear after one minute or when reduced to zero hit points, like summoned monsters.
  
  
• Reverse Dragon: Has no breath weapon of its own; instead, every other creature of size category Small or larger within 120 feet of the reverse dragon is granted a breath weapon of the appropriate type. Consult the stat block for a wyrmling of the reverse dragon’s colour to determine the granted breath weapon’s traits, including damage, saving throw DC, and recharge interval.
  
  
• Microdragon: Has the game-mechanical traits of an adult dragon, but is only six inches long. Takes advantage of the fact that the mayhem it’s capable of causing is so wildly out of scale with its stature to hide in plain sight; most communities it targets have no idea what’s causing the destruction because nobody can see the dragon amid the chaos. (In game terms, the microdragon’s breath weapon does not break stealth, since the area of effect is too large to give away its precise location.)
  
  
• Inconspicuous Dragon: Exhales a mind-altering gas that causes those affected to not notice that it’s a dragon. This effect lasts for as long as they remain in the dragon’s presence. None of the dragon’s traits are actually altered, but affected parties will tend to rationalise any feats that would be inconsistent with not being a dragon. Additional saving throws may be warranted in the case of actions that are exceptionally hard to explain.
  
  
• Gun Dragon: A dragon with a shotgun. Treat the shotgun as a standard breath weapon that inflicts piercing damage, except it doesn’t have a recharge interval; rather, the dragon must spend an action reloading.
  

Tag yourself; I’m the microdragon

(via queerwonder)