So Kravitz got this assignment. Figured it’d be easy- 23 year old shopkeeper, shoulda checked in to the astral plain two years ago, but has been running around the continent with a pack of low-level adventurer’s instead. Very rude. Should make for easy pickings, though. He could use a quick one. It’s date night. 

But then. Then he actually finds her and, whoops. This isn’t necromancy. Reincarnated isn’t the same as undead. It’s still not exactly Kosher with the Queen’s rules, but. It wasn’t even her idea. Not her choice. She’s got a little kid. She’s also got like six really big kids, all of whom are very anxious to defend her, both verbally and physically. 

So he makes them an offer. Quick card game for her soul- a game he’s very much intending to throw. He’s not gonna separate a mom from her kids, he’s not a monster…. But he is an emissary, and while it’d be quicker to just let them off with a warning, he’s gotta make sure his own Mom gets her due respect. Just a quick formality, then he can get home to his boy. 

Except.

Except.

Every. Single. One of these fuckers are trying to help her cheat. And that’s fine, he’s literally trying to lose, but it’s really fucking hard to pretend he doesn’t notice. 

The young Monk, who was so stoic and eloquent presenting her friend’s case, has devolved into a weird sorority girl persona as she tries desperately to distract him from the little blue tiefling slipping aces under the table. The tielfing, who is giving him a very pouty death glare, is having trouble helping because her not-undead friend’s too busy trying to Mage Hand their wizard’s familiar over Kravitz’s shoulder to take the damn cards. 

The wizard’s stare is blank and he’s waving his hand like he expects someone to be there beside him but the only one close is a half orc who’s crouched down like he’s about to make a break for it. Kravitz can smell ozone. He really want’s to tell the guy that reapers can teleport, drop that spell before you hurt your own damn party, but his mouth feels weird and tacky and by his fucking god, what did that cow man put in this tea?? 

This is why he stopped eating Normal People Food in the first place, Taako has fucking ruined him. Taako is gonna fucking murder him if he comes home high off his ass on date night. That Aasimar standing in the back, menacingly sharpening her big ass sword, might actually manage to murder him if he accidentally wins this card game because he’s too distracted by this band of fucking hooligans. He’s not even gonna get a chance to pet the familiar. 

It is a goddess damned miracle he manages to lose the game and make it home in time. When he get’s back to the Astral plane he marches right up to Vax'ildan and tell him this is the absolute last time he’s dealing with a reincarnation case. 

[Image ID: A doodle of the Mighty Nein and Kravitz, sitting around a wooden table, doing exactly as described above. Kravitz is looking over his shoulder at the viewer like he’s on the office. End ID.]