There may or may not be a method to this madness.

ct-42069:

allthejoeks:

ct-42069:

i still don’t get why bards are the horny class bc their main stat is charisma when the sorcerer, warlock, and paladin both have charisma as their main stat and like i can kinda get paladins bc the phb kinda has them look like youth pastors with a great sword but like warlocks literally cannot exist without some magical sugar daddy granting them magic powers and sorcerers are literally all descended from monster fuckers and yet i’ve yet to see anyone make a warlock or sorcerer that was just the biggest fucking thot in the material plane and you know what you can make your paladin follow the god of fertility and boom they can be the sluttiest one in the entire multiverse have you met a catholic person???????

Draconic Sorcerers: “Listen. My father fucked dragons. My grandfather fucked dragons. I hail from a proud line of dragonfuckers, and if you think for even a second I am going to deny my offspring these sweet-ass powers, or, more importantly, deny myself the ultimate pleasure of dragonfucking, you are 100% insane.”

You you get it

(via utilitycaster)

pixellated-sparks:

ok but like the slam and the ‘give me your second worst nightmare’ is just so hilarious to me and so peak editor vs creator 

vicks-vaporwave:

Well that description of what he was aiming for was even scarier than the drawing and WILL give me nightmares

koyacyi-vode:

okay but have yall SEEN what ian mccaig (the concept artist that came up with maul’s design) drew first?

like, this bog body looking motherfucker could have been our sith apprentice. we could have had THIS instead of Darth Thot. and i for one am thankful that george was too scared of this design to go through with it.

Here’s mccaig’s recount of when he showed that design to george too:

fallenrepublick:

George literally tried to describe his character design as “your worst nightmare” or something and our asses are out here going oH gOd pUT A bABy iN mE

We are NOT fucking okay

charming-rats:

the best thing on earth is how they designed darth maul to look scary and unnatural but we all took a look at him and decided that he was the hottest non human in star wars

(via bahnree-deactivated20210928)

coffeeastronaut:

some of you were not incredibly isolated teens who grew up relying on long distance internet friends to avoid complete and utter desolation of your mental state and boy howdy is it showing

(via thewildmother)

mierac:

journeymanfool:

0v9:

the-privateer:

sixmapleleafs:

I found this on tiktok and I laughed so hard so I thought I’d share on here

It’s so chaotic I love it

just so you guys are all aware, the only reason gritty exists is allegedly because the NHL made a rule that every team HAD to have a mascot and were apparently assholes about it. so the fliers made him as a chaotic fuck you. hell the first tweet made on his official account was a “sleep with one eye open” threat towards another mascot for making fun of his design

are we not going to talk about how he launched an entire sheetcake into that man’s face, probably killing him?

gritty was canonically found in a sealed chamber below the flyers stadium and now has been literally unearthed to wreak havoc

Bear in mind that the Philadelphia Phillies, the baseball team, have a mascot called the Philly Fanatic who has been the biggest asshole mascot in all of professional baseball for decades, so imagine what happened when the order came from the NHL and Philadelphia found out they had to make another mascot.

“Well, sir, it’s official. The Fliers are required by the league to have a mascot. There’s no getting out of it.”

“Then there’s only one thing left to do. Call the excavator and start digging.”

“The… but sir, the city council ordered the tunnel sealed! Everyone agreed, after the Fanatic was unleashed, it was too risky to go back!”

“The NHL shouldn’t have fucked with us then.” 

“Does anyone even know where the entrance is anymore? All the maps were destroyed.”

“Check the parking lot of the Four Seasons Landscaping company.”

(via drst)

cryptonature:

The universe is an ongoing explosion.

That’s where you live.

In an explosion.

Also, we absolutely don’t know what living is.

Sometimes atoms arranged in a certain way just get very haunted.

That’s us.

When an explosion explodes hard enough, dust wakes up and thinks about itself.

And then writes about it.

(via seananmcguire)

Dividing up eras of tumblr

tearlessrain:

It just occurred to me that I kind of arbitrarily started referring to “first age” “second age” and “third age” tumblr one day because I realized during a discord conversation that it really can be divided up very effectively between a couple major events that changed the fabric of the site’s culture almost overnight, but nobody but me ever refers to them that way, so by way of explanation:

• First Age: everything before Dashcon. Art communities were still largely thriving on the internet and social media still mostly existed out from under corporate monopolies, and people were just wildly guessing about how to use it. We were in the last hurrah of the internet wild west and lolcats were still a thing. Tumblr was just a fun and quirky place, we were blissfully writing unironic posts about tumblr university and fandom vs hipster and the “I like your shoelaces” thing, Hank Green wrote a goddamn song about tumblr, we were all like Adam and Eve dwelling in Eden unaware of their sin. Potterheads grab your wands.
  
• Second Age: post-Dashcon, but pre-Purge. We have all eaten the fruit of knowledge and there is no going back. There are no more secret code or tumblr university posts because everyone knows firsthand how badly that would go. Fandom culture is forever changed. We are now aware that we live in a hellish cringetopia but have absolutely no plans to leave, because by now a combination of monopolies and a sneaky rise in purity culture has the internet by the throat (but not in a kinky way, that would scare off advertisers) so there aren’t a lot of better options, and at least our relatives can’t find us here. A lot of artists now have their primary presence on tumblr. The lax policies regarding nsfw and controversial content mean it’s a good space for queer creators and sex workers despite the many shortcomings we’re now aware of. The porn bot plague really kicks into full gear to the point that every time our follower counts go up we’re ready with the block/spam button like the uncles from Secondhand Lions picking off traveling salesmen. The drama starts to get really fucking weird, with classics such as the human pet guy and the bone-stealing witch.
• Third Age: post-Purge. After changing corporate hands a few times, the drive to make the internet safe for our Good Christian Advertisers and hypothetical children has finally reached us, and brings with it TERFs, purity culture, and the Porn Ban, which was allegedly a solution to the porn bots except that it clearly wasn’t at all. The large community of sex workers and artists that was keeping tumblr afloat as anything resembling a viable social media site have made a mass exodus and a lot of the rest of the userbase followed them, mostly to twitter or a few doomed attempts at tumblr copycats. Tumblr is now a mad max clown car full of people too stubborn to pack up and leave for a functional website. It’s a post-apocalyptic wasteland whose only remaining merit is that even without the ability to post porn we’ve managed to make ourselves such a complete anathema to advertisers that we’re mostly just left alone. We’re all just tired. Some people still run art blogs but nobody outside of tumblr ever sees them.  Literally all we have going for us is that we’re not twitter and we have +5 resistance to capitalism. And Xkit.
  

(via unidentifiedspoon)

katy-l-wood:

gallusrostromegalus:

katy-l-wood:

I wonder how often the scientists in Jurassic Park discovered DNA from something we hadn’t found in the fossil record yet, so they just ended up with something supremely weird and confusing with no idea what it was.

Putting aside the entire “that’s exactly how DNA doesn’t work” aspects of the Jurassic Park DNA Extraction and Organism Creation Process, I am DEEPLY enamored by the idea of them entering some DNA into their magical dinosaur-making microvave or whatever and having something Pre-KT Event but absolutely not a Dinosaur falling out.

Gorgonopsids.  Microfauna like snails and lizards. Geese. Little Scuttling pre-mammals. The horrible sharks from God’s Deviantart phase. Mosquitoes drank from all kinds of shit!  Let some of the other weirdos have a turn in the limelight!

EXACTLY. Who knows what’s coming out of that little dollop of amber. It could have 300 eyes and twelve legs. We just don’t know.

(via seananmcguire)